I don’t really think I have an issue with my home country of Canada, but for some reason I did pack up my life in 2005 at 21 years old and move to Japan. I haven’t seriously entertained the idea of moving back to Canada in the last 20 years, and being in Canada makes me a little apprehensive in some ways I have yet to fully try to understand.
Still, sometimes in the evening when I have had a little wine, I get nostalgic for Canadian music of the 90’s. This can lead to complicated feelings about what Canada is, and why should I feel any affinity for this music that for the most part came thousands of kilometers away in Ontario, but these aren’t complicated serious feelings for the most part. There’s also my affinity from music from Winnipeg, Propagandhi and John K Samson yes, but also Greg MacPherson of whom I have likely listened to a lot more of, and think he is still based in Winnipeg. I don’t think he has a social media site where he publishes such personal information on himself though.
I am losing my focus now.
The point is that my relationship with Canada is tenuous, if that word can be used in this situation.
And now, like the theme of so many of my blog posts, I introduce how my son affects all of this.
It’s super easy to say, but I do plan to speak to my son only in English. I had no real interest at first in showing anything Canadian. As I had mentioned, but I plan on reading Narnia to him every day. (As mentioned, this started while in the womb, but due to complications, we are on a little break. Shame as we were almost at the end of the Magician’s Nephew!) I was thinking of picking up some Lloyd Alexander books as well. The First Two Lives of Lukas-Kasha is a favorite of mine. Maybe Lord of the Rings? Too early? Yes, my thinking is likely silly, but I still want to do it.
When thinking about music and television however, I was drawn to Canada. To be fair, I was drawn to Mr Rogers first, and he is an American. The calm nature of Mr Rogers giving a routine and letting you know you are special is something I think anyone at any age can benefit from having in their life. With all my heart, fuck the cynical coolness that has taken over everything, including parts of my soul I’m sure. This is not an original sentiment I am sure, and I take zero credit for it, but please allow me to parrot it.
After looking at Mr Rogers DVD options and DVD players that can play such things, I moved on to Fred Penner, who is Canadian, and who meant so very much to me growing up. I could not find any way to procure Mr Penner’s TV show, but his albums are on Apple Music, and so I revisited one I hadn’t listened to in decades: Happy Feet. Like the other one I knew well, the Cat Came Back, it is just unashamedly happy fun music. I had put on the Cat Came Back over the years, especially liking the Story of Blunder (a 10 minute tale on how if you want people to be nice to you, you should be nice yourself), but I had not for Happy Feet. I think Happy Feet is mainly covers of old happy jazz songs, but there is not Wikipedia page for the album, and so here we are. Anyways, the thought to want to play these songs for my son came up, but more strongly the thought to want to sing these songs for my son came up in me.
I had started my thoughts with Canada, but I don’t think that I have really ended up there after all. I thought this was about finding parts of my Canadian identity that I want to share with my son, and that I feel are a part of me, but in the end, I am not sure if that is the conclusion that is best to draw.
I am listening to three songs by Vivat Virtute now, released in June of 2023. John K Samson’s voice always reminds me of “Canada”, but the connection between “Canada”, and my life in Surrey is unexplored for me, as it is with the 90’s music I watched on Ontario’s Much Music. Watching non-Canadian punk bands at the Croatian Cultural Center or Mesa Luna in Vancouver is something less abstract. It’s not like just because the Matthew Good Band came from Coquitlam that I have this affinity for them that I don’t for the Gandharvas or something.
I don’t know. I’m going to buy Mr Rogers DVDs and sing Fred Penner songs, and hopefully my son won’t roll his eyes too too early at it all.
Edit: no disrespect meant for not mentioning Mr Dressup. For whatever reason, he wasn’t on my mind with these thoughts.
Klingsor's First Winter 