Motivation by child

I have often not liked having to make small talk with people I don’t know. I would rather that they realize that I am not in the mood, and then we can have a comfortable silence.

However, after my son is born, I would hate to be out with him, and him see me being bad at small talk. He may think that is normal. He may think that his dad can’t do something. Both outcomes don’t seem favorable for me, and therefore I must be better at small talk.

Amane and I took a trip to Izu this weekend (note: I wrote this a few before I published it), and there were a lot of occasions to make small talk with strangers. The husband of the bed and breakfast we stayed at who drove us to and from the station. The wife of the same bed and breakfast who walked us through our room and our meals. The taxi drivers to and from places. The owner of the burger place we had lunch. I would have loved to be quiet and awkward, but what would my son think?

I think about this motivation. If I think something is ultimately good, why do I need to have a child to act on that? This is the same with video games, which I think I have mentioned before. The same way of thinking permeates everything, at least for now when the child is not “realized” (is not born). Maybe when he’s born (hopefully there are no issues) then I will realize it’s fine to be quite awkward me, but I really hope not.

I love this aspect of becoming a father. I love to finally have motivation to be a better person. I lament not wanting to earlier. It is good.

A friend of mine from my youth got divorced a few years ago, and the reason was for her two daughters. You usually hear of people staying together for the kids, but for her it was very clear. For her husband had often belittled her in front of her kids, and she didn’t want them to think that it’s okay for a woman to be belittled like that. She needed to show them women can be strong and walk away from those situations.

Lots of motivation from children. As I may’ve mentioned, I hope to harness with feeling for the powers of good.